Lady Gaga on Tony Bennett: dont discount your elders, dont leave them behind
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Last week we covered a story People magazine ran about Lady Gaga having a trumpet tattoo that was sketched for her by Tony Bennett. This itself wasn’t exactly news (she’s had that tattoo since 2014), but it was a way for People to bring Gaga into their reporting on Bennett’s death. At that time, Gaga had not made any public comments on the passing of her mentor, friend, and collaborator. Now she has. Here is the entire statement she posted on her Instagram:
I will miss my friend forever. I will miss singing with him, recording with him, talking with him, being on stage together. With Tony, I got to live my life in a time warp. Tony & I had this magical power. We transported ourselves to another era, modernized the music together, & gave it all new life as a singing duo. But it wasn’t an act. Our relationship was very real. Sure he taught me about music, about showbiz life, but he also showed me how to keep my spirits high and my head screwed on straight. “Straight ahead,” he’d say. He was an optimist, he believed in quality work AND quality life. Plus, there was the gratitude… Tony was always grateful. He served in WWII, marched with Martin Luther King Jr., and sang jazz with the greatest singers and players in the world.
I’ve been grieving the loss of Tony for a long time. We had a very long and powerful goodbye.
Though there were 5 decades between us, he was my friend. My real true friend. Our age difference didn’t matter–in fact, it gave us each something neither of us had with most people. We were from two different stages in life entirely–inspired. Losing Tony to Alzheimer’s has been painful but it was also really beautiful. An era of memory loss is such a sacred time in a person’s life. There’s such a feeling of vulnerability and a desire to preserve dignity. All I wanted was for Tony to remember how much I loved him and how grateful I was to have him in my life. But, as that faded slowly I knew deep down he was sharing with me the most vulnerable moment in his life that he could–being willing to sing with me when his nature was changing so deeply. I’ll never forget Tony Bennett. If I could say anything to the world about this I would say don’t discount your elders, don’t leave them behind when things change. Don’t flinch when you feel sad, just keep going straight ahead, sadness is part of it. Take care of your elders and I promise you will learn something special. Maybe even magical. And pay attention to silence–some of my musical partner and I’s most meaningful exchanges were with no melody at all.
I love you Tony. Love, Lady
Gaga included one photo of herself with Tony in this post. The picture shows them hugging, and the angle captures Tony’s face and Gaga’s back. I bring this up because when we covered the tattoo story last week, there were strong opinions in the comments on whether she was being opportunistic or was actually genuine in her kindness to elders. I do not think the photo she chose has the stamp of being opportunistic. She chose to focus Tony’s smiling face over her own.
I do not think the words she chose are opportunistic either. “If I could say anything to the world about this I would say don’t discount your elders, don’t leave them behind when things change. Don’t flinch when you feel sad, just keep going straight ahead, sadness is part of it.” Anyone who has experienced watching a loved-one age knows what Gaga is speaking about here. Whether the illness is Alzheimer’s or Dementia or something else entirely, there is an overwhelming sadness when you witness your person lose their memories and their hallmark characteristics. As a disease progresses, it can become easy to say the person isn’t really themselves anymore. But Gaga gently reminds us to show up anyway. With all your sadness and discomfort, show up for your elders. I believe she is being genuine in her words and actions.
In the spirit of continuing straight ahead, Gaga separately announced 12 new dates for her Lady Gaga: Jazz & Piano residency at Park MGM in Las Vegas. I’m sure Tony Bennett will be very much in her heart during these shows.
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