Martha Stewart thinks Gwyneth Paltrow just needs to be quiet

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I want to eat this story, it’s so delicious. I want to fry it up and dust it with powdered sugar. I want to get out a mixer and make some homemade whipped cream so I can dollop it on this story. Apparently, Martha Stewart sat down for an interview with Net-a-Porter’s Porter Magazine. Just FYI: I can’t find the original interview, so I guess Porter hasn’t released it online yet. But Page Six got some advanced quotes and OMG. Martha is DONE with all of these little girls trying to dethrone her. Queen Martha is throwing shade right and left. It’s pretty awesome.

Martha Stewart says Goop founder Gwyneth Paltrow should shut up and stick to acting.

“She just needs to be quiet. She’s a movie star. If she were confident in her acting, she wouldn’t be trying to be Martha Stewart,” the domestic doyenne snipped to Net-a-Porter’s Porter magazine.

And, after Blake Lively started her own lifestyle site, Preserve, Stewart admits the “Gossip Girl” star had come to her for advice — but sidesteps making a judgment and leaves it to her senior vice president Kevin Sharkey, who says of Lively, “I don’t get the sense she’s credible. She’s enthusiastic, but she’s not credible.”

Stewart also scoffed at Sheryl Sandberg’s best-selling book “Lean In,” saying women should spend less energy fighting barriers in the workplace and be more entrepreneurial: “Too much time is spent ... Isn’t ‘leaning in’ spending a lot of time? ... I think being entrepreneurial is something women should strive for, rather than working up the corporate ladder.”

In the profile by Vassi Chamberlain, the queen of lifestyle branding — who served five months in jail starting in 2004 for obstructing justice during an insider trading probe of her 2001 sale of ImClone stock — also blasted Netflix series “Orange Is the New Black” as disappointing.

“They could have done that so much better. That girl” — referring to Taylor Schilling — “is not good enough, the lead actress,” Stewart grumps. “I met the real Piper [Kerman]. She was in prison either the same time or after me, and I talked to her about it.” Martha had asked to be sent to Danbury, the real-life prison on which the show’s Litchfield is based and where Kerman served 13 months beginning in 2004. But Danbury was full, and Stewart served her time in West Virginia.

Stewart, who said she used to give lectures while behind bars, expressed sympathy for her fellow female inmates. “I feel so sorry for all of them in prison. The system lets them down. It’s hideous. And I’m sorry I have not had the time or the real inclination to help, but right now, there is a huge movement against the penal system.”

[From Page Six]

To defend Martha for a moment… she is still the queen and Blake and Gwyneth are the imposters. They are trying to put their own individual spin on the whole lifestyle/cooking/artisan thing that Martha created. And if Martha wants to bitch about Gwyneth all day, every day, I’m all for it. Throwing shade at Blake is a bit trickier (because Preserve is so friggin’ dumb and yet utterly harmless), and I guess it’s good that Martha didn’t do the dirty work on Blake. Also: remember how Martha has a drone now? I’m just mentioning that because… you know, Gwyneth needs to watch her ass.

Now, to throw some shade at Martha. She sounds like a jerk. She does! I think her criticism of Gwyneth should perhaps be taken in context with her ambivalence of Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In philosophy. Martha is not looking to mentor younger women. Martha is charting a career course so that other women can follow her and appreciate the glass ceilings Martha has broken. Martha is the business unicorn and she does not want the younger women to follow in her footsteps because there can only be ONE.

I also don’t really understand her problem with Taylor Schilling or why she’s so blasé about prison reform. That being said, I wish more people would just give interviews where they bitched about everything all the time.

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Photos courtesy of WENN.

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